1.17.2010

I am NOT...

....supermom.
Nope, I am definitely NOT supermom. I have days (too many it sometimes feels like) where I am completely lacking in patience.
I turn off the monitor so I can't hear Addy crying b/c she's woken up 3 times already and just NEEDS TO SLEEP. I let her run around in her pj's all day b/c there's no point in putting on clothes b/c A: it's too cold to go outside, B: pj's are so much more comfortable, and C: she's already warm and cuddly....why strip her down to put on something else?
We've skipped bathtime b/c I'm too tired to give her one. I let her play in that drawer b/c I'm tired of fighting with her about it....it's usually dad's bathroom drawer and there's nothing dangerous in there anyway :)
I put the barstools in front of the tv console b/c I'm tired of saying "Adelyn, don't touch" a million times every 2 minutes....
I'll give her the second cookie b/c she doesn't get sweets at home so why not at Grandma's? :)
I'll let her watch cartoons for a few hours in the morning b/c I'm too tired to entertain her and she likes them anyway :)....or I'll lay on the floor and just watch her play....or both :)
I do have earplugs on my nightstand that I've started using b/c she needs to learn to put herself back to sleep and I can't stand hearing her cry (breaks my heart)...I don't use them every night (I'm not that mean), but definitely a handful of times...
I let her watch the dvd player in the car when we are making the 20 minute drive to Grandma's, running errands around town, or just driving anywhere b/c I don't want to hear her crying the whole time b/c she does not like being confined in her car seat...in our defense, it's NOT always on....we just got it :)
I cook dinner only 4, sometimes 5, nights a week...I work 2 of them and Sundays are "fend for yourself" days...AKA: leftovers, salad, etc...
I give Adelyn the same thing for lunch and breakfast pretty much everyday........clementine and cheerios for BF and mixed veggies with luncheon meat and milk for lunch (we definitely are keeping the frozen mixed veggies people in business)
....I haven't done laundry all week. I haven't cleaned the house in nearly 2 weeks....

Okay, so you get it? I'M NOT SUPERMOM (not like I thought you thought I was....but it's always nice to know "you're not the only one"). I am a selfish human being and without the grace of God (and my His strength only) I can't get through ONE HOUR.
Did you notice how everything above is about ME? I'm too tired...I don't feel like it...I don't want to....(except some of the crying herself to sleep....she really is tired alot and I know she would feel so much better if she would just sleep!)
Becoming a mom has been a tangible example of what it means to die to yourself. God has entrusted Adelyn to me, physically, spiritually, and emotionally. Daily I have to put aside what I would rather do and think about what is best for her in everyway. Obviously, there are days when I just give in and let the TV babysit her while I sit and veg for a bit....but I know I'm not the only one, and that makes me feel a little better :)
Everyday I question myself as a mom. Am I doing the right thing? Am I making the right decision? Am I trusting God to help me do this right? Then I realize that the fact that I am asking myself these questions tells me I'm at the right place....I think that something would be wrong if I wasn't asking myself these questions daily. To me, these questions mean that I care about doing the right thing for Addy and I'm right to ask them....
I love Adelyn with my every being. She is the most amazing thing that has happened for Nick and I and we couldn't be more thankful. God refined me when He put my wonderful husband in my life...but boy has He done a number in me through Adelyn too. :) Next to being a wife, becoming a mom has been the most amazing, challenging, wonderful, interesting experience of my life!
I do lose my patience sometimes, I do get frustrated, I do get so tired I can't stand it....but despite that, I am so happy and so blessed. I wouldn't trade where we are at for the world.
I know, you're thinking if I'm like this with one... WHAT will happen when there are 2, 3, 4??? I dunno....
I do know that God will give me the patience and grace I need for my children...He already has :)

Lord,
Thank you for Nick and for Adelyn. You have been so good.
Thank you for giving me the strength and patience that I need to love them the way they need to be loved (even though I still don't meet their needs 100%....only You can do that!)
God, I pray that you will continue to mold me and refine me into the woman you call me to be...to be the wife that Nick needs...the mom that Adelyn needs...Only with Your help can I even think to accomplish that!
I am so humbled by your grace and goodness. Without You I am nothing.
You are a great God and I am so amazed at the work you have done in me...Thank you.

Amen

4 comments:

Angela Monday, January 18, 2010 at 8:48:00 AM PST  

Your honesty is refreshing. And just to reaffirm what you already know... You are not alone! :-)

Anonymous,  Monday, January 18, 2010 at 12:08:00 PM PST  

Okay, that was great! I needed to know that I'm not the only one...I'm a little worried about adding another one to our household...but I know that God will give me the patience and strength to make it all work! Thanks for sharing!

Unknown Monday, January 18, 2010 at 7:09:00 PM PST  

Your words are that of what every mother says/feels/does/questions themselves about DAILY! :) Thanks for truthful words!

Amber Flinn Friday, January 29, 2010 at 5:43:00 PM PST  

When you find supermom can you send her my way? We need her here at the Flinn residence!

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