the other side: naps
So I've decided each week I'm going to blog about what we have learned since having a baby. I think I was blessed going into parenthood...having grown up with my mom doing in-home daycare, having younger brothers, and babysitting since I was 10...I had a pretty good idea of the not-so-fun side of having kids. :) At the same time, I still had/have a ton of questions and parenthood has been a learning experience every step of the way....but books aren't my thing. Too many theories, opinions, ideas....I learn more from picking other parents' brains.
Although, you can never fully be prepared :) I think that people don't talk enough about the difficult times of parenting and the frustrations that accompany this blessed time :) so I'm going to talk about the nitty gritty and hope that someone will glean some sort of info and/or comfort from knowing "they aren't the only one" :)
Let's talk naps. Sleeping. This is not something our sweet girl is a pro at :) Let's put that out there right now. I know quite a few new moms who say their babies were on a schedule from day one and have never had problems....so obviously they have no idea where I'm coming from, right? I've gotten quite a few answers when I bring up the topic that hint at maybe it is something I'm doing. Like I'm not a good mom because my daughter doesn't nap the greatest. Thanks. :) I've tried the same time everyday, nap routines, rocking her for every nap...I mean you name it, I've tried it.
4 1/2 months later I feel I'm finally getting it, sort of. Adelyn is not a complete schedule girl. She's got her own beat and she's going to do her own thing no matter how much I fight her. :) Naptime is a nightmare and she fights sleep EVERY time I lay her down! No matter how tired she is, she cries and gets ticked whenever I lay her down....we go through the same thing of patting her back and fighting with her to sleep until she FINALLY succumbs...it is SO exhausting...especially when it is day after day, 3 naps a day. Bedtime is sometimes easier (for some reason) but there are times where bedtime isn't so fun either...
Here's what I've learned:
Babies like some predictability. They like to know what's going to happen next. While we don't have a set schedule, we do things in the same sequence everyday. We get up around the same time, go to the gym (she goes to the daycare) for an hour or so. Come home, nap, wake up, eat and play, nap, wake up, eat and play, nap, wake up, bath, eat, play, bed. That is the order, it just happens at different times during the day (although we're getting to a point now where she's around the same hour each day, so that's been nice). She's putting herself into a schedule now, I'm just helping her out by keeping things predictable for her.
Babies have a 90 minute sleep cycle (give or take a couple 10 minutes or so). Rule of thumb (wherever that expression came from), babies are ready to sleep every 90 minutes or so after waking up. If they are up too long between naps they get too wound up to go to sleep and then their next nap is shorter and a more fitful sleep. I don't remember why, but it's totally true. Adelyn goes down about every 90 minutes and she goes to sleep a little easier and her nap is a little longer.
Avoid overstimulation right before naptime/bedtime. This way they get more relaxed and have an easier settling down to nap. With Adelyn, I cradle her and give her her paci and rock and talk to her before I lay her down. Obviously this isn't possible for every nap, so I just try and limit visual stimulation when it gets closer to nap time.
The sucking reflex is a very calming thing for babies. I just give Adelyn her paci when it is naptime/bedtime or around there. It really helps her settle down when she is fussing and fighting sleep.
Jiggling and back patting have really been a lifesaver for us. She really settles down when we pat her back when we lay her down. She has slept on her stomach since she was 2 weeks old (she sleeps so much better that way!) and we pat her back a bit until she settles down. They're so used to the movement and bouncing around in mom's womb that it's comforting and calming to them.
When in doubt, go down the list. If she is fussing and she's eaten recently, has a clean diaper, and has been up for a while, it's time for a nap. It's hard to know for sure (especially when you are just getting to know your baby) when they are ready to go to bed, so eventually you learn their ques...but until then, just go down the checklist :)
Babies rely on us to help them settle down and go to sleep since they can't do it on their own. They depend on us to help them get the sleep they need. Nick and I have learned we have to make sacrifices so Adelyn can take her needed naps. She is no longer at the age where she can just sleep anywhere anymore, so we have to be somewhere where she can actually lay down. I have to plan my errands and lunch dates around her nap time...we can't stay out late anymore unless we are somewhere that she can lay down.
It is so frustrating and naptime has definitely been the toughest battle for ust with her b/c she fights us EVERY TIME....we are constantly saying "why don't you just go to sleep?!". Thankfully, when one of us (usually it's me) is ready to yank our hair out and starting to lose patience, the other can step in and take over....it's been SO frustrating learning her sleep cues and pattern, and we are still learning.
Hopefully this helps...if not, then hey, at least you know your child isn't the only one who doesn't nap well ;) If your child is a great napper and has a schedule...nice work :)
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Adelyn (4 months), Colton (3 1/2 months), Drew (9 weeks)