I'm sorry, I pray, I'm thankful.

A year ago this Wednesday my cousin's sweet baby boy, Nash Adam Sievers, went to be with our Lord.
I never met him, he was 6 months when he passed away, but I fell in love with him through their pictures. This picture is one that I would show people and it just made me laugh. I love the expression on his face and he is just the cutest thing ever!
I remember being at the funeral and just feeling heart broken for Brad and Tracy and Nash's big brother, Tate. I knew I could in no way understand the pain they were going through (and still have to this day)...but I remember praying that God would heal their hearts and that Nash would forever live in their memories.
Today I was reading Tracy's blog and just crying (as I usually do when I read her blog). She is so transparent and amazing at putting her thoughts and emotions into words. I was holding Adelyn while I was reading it and the more I read, the tighter I held onto her. Being a new mom, the thought of losing my child makes me sick. Adelyn is near the same age now as Nash was (their birthdays are 4 days apart) and I can't even convey the emotions that pass through me.
We are going to Storm Lake this weekend to be with our family for the Fourth. I haven't seen Brad and Tracy since Nash's funeral. I'm excited to see them and Tate, but I can't help but feel guilty. Guilty that my sweet girl is here with me, that able to squeeze her tight and kiss her chubby cheeks and look at her beautiful face.
I'm so sorry that they had to experience this unfathomable pain. I'm so sorry that they know what it's like to lose a child. I'm so sorry that they will have to remember July 1 in this way for the rest of their lives. I'm so sorry that they are hurting.
I pray that they will find peace in the Lord. I pray that through the tears they can love and comfort each other. I pray that they will never forget the precious memories of their sweet boy.
I'm thankful that he is--as someone once put it--crawling around in heaven :) I'm thankful for the memories that they do have of him. I'm thankful that God is a big God and He is bigger than any hurt and pain they feel.
I have no more words and I will stop trying to find them. Brad and Tracy, I'm sorry for the pain you have been through this last year. I pray that you will have peace this week. I love you both.